A Democratic sympathizer who works as a menial office temp managed to rescue this rough draft of Shrubya's first ever radio address to the USA.
Because of his/her fear of reprisal they want to be known as "Re-Boot".
I hope that you can use it.
My fellah Amerikuns,
It makes me proud and humble to stand here before you today. Well, actually, I am sitting down, but you can't see that on the radio. I better move over here, so I am not sitting at Dick's desk though.
Here it has been almost a month since we got here to do a job on you. Not bad for a boy who only wanted to be Comissioner of Baseball. I knew the Democrats would misunderestimate my popularity. It is easy to be popular when your Poppy's friends own most of the major news media.
After all, I don't have to be the barking dog. I have so many others to do it for me. True patriots like Bob Barr (isn't he related to that Roseanne woman?) She is such a hoot! And Trent Lott, Dan Burton or Tom DeLay can also be counted on to keep their eye on who is paying for them.
Or Judge Atonio Scalia who wants to be Chief Justice so bad he can taste it. I want to tell you that we have the best Congress and Supreme Court that White GOP money can buy. Now I know there are still some of them folks out there on the fringe of Society who don't think I am legitimate. I will tell them that my Poppy and Mommy were Married in the Eyes of the Lord when I was born.
We have managed to reach across the aisle to Democrats on the left and in the center and totally convince them that it is their fault that they lost. No matter how many times they think we should have followed Ceaser's Law and counted the bullets, er, uh, ballots; we had a Higher Calling. To clean up all these people who had food on them thanks to eight years of propensity under former President Clinton.
Now, we have started on a bunch of new stuff here that will allow common, hard working, everyday Amerikuns to get a new muffler for their foreign built Amerikun Car. Meanwhile, those who have suffered the most under the preceding Administration will be able to buy a new Lexus or Rolex Royce to drive. We are wating to see if the retroactivity is manageable, or if we will have to coat it in lead shielding.
And I haven't forgotten my pledge to the military either. Dick is currently setting up a competitor for the NSC that won't be hampered by those pesky reporting restrictions. He and Colon Powell are doing just fine at running our foreign handed foreign policy. So, Condoleeza doesn't have to worry her pretty little head about such matters.
So, in conclusioning, I want to say thank you to the folks who trusted me. I will only appoint people with good hearts in my administration. I figure that Dick having a bum ticker is enough for us to deal with. But it does mean that I am only a heartbeat away from being your Presidentiary.
God bless you all. And God Bless the United States of Ameriku.NEXT: MORGAN STANLEY DEAN WITLESS
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