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   BUSH BROTHERS BANANA REPUBLIC RESISTANCE, NEWS, HUMOR AND COMMENTARY

REPORTS FROM THE TROOPS
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10

MEDIA ADDICT CHRIS "CUJO" MATTHEWS
TO UNDERGO PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT
By Gloria Lalumia, BBBR Resistance Fighter

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WASHINGTON (gorewon2000.net) February 10, 2001 -- MSNBC political talk show host and San Franscisco Chronicle columnist Chris Matthews is reportedly preparing to enter a private psychiatric hospital on the advice of close family and friends.

Undisclosed sources report that Matthews, the tow-haired host seen on the hour-long "Hardball" program, has inexplicably started screaming at the top of his lungs. "We don't know what's gotten into him," one puzzled staffer  stated. "With the exit of President Clinton, Chris has just lost it. It's as if he's been on drugs and now is being forced to go off them cold turkey.  He's just trying to hold on by digging up anything he can find about Clinton."

Other sources close to the situation thinks the Clinton departure is only part of the story.  "Chris is facing off against Fox's Bill O'Reilly, who is losing it more and more often," said a Hardball producer.  "Chris feels that to compete, he has to raise the volume and get more into the faces of his guests."

Matthews, who once worked for Democrat House Leader Tip O'Neill and calls himself a Democrat, seems to have undergone a marked personality change, according to a close family friend.  "He seems to have studied the GOP playbook carefully and it's taken over his brain.  And, on top of that, he seems to be echoing the teachings of the Pope a lot more."

"I'm afraid that if he has Peggy Noonan on as a guest one more time, he will
be lost forever."

Other associates fear that Matthews will have a stroke if his shouting continues unabated. "The blood vessels on his forehead are already bulging in an alarming manner and he's beginning to stutter.  We had hoped that by pitting him against James Carville he would have come to his senses and realized that he couldn't compete at this level of aggression indefinitely.  But it's apparent that Chris can no longer see reality and we may have to cut the show back to its original half hour in order to control the situation," commented a MSNBC executive. 


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