LONG BEACH (gorewon2000.net) -- The Diva, WebMistress of The BUSH BROTHERS BANANA REPUBLIC formally switched race Sunday, triggering a spike in black personal racial identification, criticism of the media, and dissatisfaction with the Census 2000 Informational Questionnaire and results.
On January 7, 2001, The Diva, WebMistress of THE BUSH BROTHERS BANANA REPUBLIC (gorewon2000.net), renounced her whiteness and joined the black race. One day later, she received an official welcome into the African American community by a delegate of that race. The warm welcome The Diva received on her switch in personal racial identification has apparently triggered a mass exodus of like-minded individuals from the Caucasian race.
"I have just been overwhelmed by the response," The Diva said, beaming. "When I made my decision, I wasn't sure people would understand it, or even approve -- I even had concerns that some might be offended by it." Those worries are obviously a thing of the past for The Diva, as she now reports being "blissfully inundated" with e-mails from other patriotic Americans who have made the same decision -- to switch their personal racial identification from white to black. "They understand what I have done," she declared, "But not only that, they identify with it personally. They see that they, too, are black like me, and that their reactions to Coup2K, which are so like mine, are strong signals that now is the time to join our real family."
Some newly black Americans, she indicated, have gone so far as to request some sort of documentation to confirm their new status. "That was a complete surprise to me," The Diva admitted. "Since all mainstream media was in agreement that outrage at Coup2K was a 'black thing'," she explained, "I naturally assumed that this was the only trait any newly black American would need to establish their racial identity." That was not enough, The Diva went on to explain, because, "The people have so lost faith in the mainstream media, that they wanted a little something extra to confirm their blackness, and to show their solidarity and pride." Smiling fondly, she went on to say, "Well, The Diva is here to please, so gorewon2000.net is now issuing BBBR Racial Identification Cards, no questions asked, to any BBBR Resistance Fighters who express that desire."
So, what is next for the rapidly growing ranks of the American black community?
When I put that question to the WebMistress, she didn't miss a beat. "It is clear from the communications I am receiving from my newly black brothers and sisters, that they are outraged at the lack of continuity between the recent Census 2000 Informational Questionnaire and the mainstream American media's characterization of racial terminology." The Diva pointed out, "Nowhere on the 2000 Census form does it define blackness as 'believing in democratic principles', such as voting rights, or every vote being counted." Obviously angry, she went on to insist, "You can't change the rules in the middle of the game," an obvious reference to the oft-repeated disingenuous GOP spin regarding counting all the votes legally cast in Florida, during the 2000 general presidential election aftermath.
"You can't tell us one day that being black means one thing, and then change it the next day, just because it suits your political purposes or anti-democratic ambitions." On a personal note, The Diva added, "Had I only known that the media were going to pull this [expletive deleted] 'bait-and-switch' with the definition of 'black' or 'African American' after the coup, I would have filled out my 2000 Questionnaire the same way I plan to fill out all future ones: by proudly claiming my blackness."
Neither the United States Census Bureau, nor the United States Department of Commerce which oversees the activities of the Bureau, could be reached for comment. The mainstream media offered no comment on The Diva's allegations.