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REPORTS FROM THE FRONT
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 10

UNITED STATES ARMY RECRUITING CAMPAIGN
GETS MAKEOVER, NEW SLOGAN:  "BE ALL THAT YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS CAN MAKE YOU"

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WASHINGTON (gorewon2000.net) - The United States Army is changing its long-running "Be All That You Can Be" recruiting slogan and launching a new $150 million media advertising blitz designed to bring in a different breed of fighting man.

The new slogan, "Be All That Your Family and Friends Can Make You," is the brainchild of Former Secretary of State to the George H.W. Bush administration, James A. Baker. 

THE CREATOR
The new campaign's creator, James A. Baker, has recently been in the news for his role in Coup2K, and for his attacks on President Bill Clinton's decision on January 1 of this year to sign a treaty creating the first International Criminal Court to prosecute war crimes and crimes against humanity. 

"What's a little genocide between enemies?" Baker asked.  "This treaty will just encourage more of that same old Democrat 'Cult of Victimhood'."

"I can hear it now," Baker mocked, "'Feel sorry for us!  They raped the girls and women, and murdered all the civilians they could find, before they carpet-bombed our entire village!'  This is a treaty for sore losers."

THE NEW AD
The first television spot of Baker's new ad campaign for the Army opens with a wide-angle shot of a smoky bar at an all-white country club.  The camera zooms in slowly, tightening on the haggard face of a clearly intoxicated man, slumped against the bar. 

The lone man raises his bloodshot eyes to the bartender -- whose back is turned, as he cleans shot glasses -- and whines, "I'm sick of playing Governor!  Governors in Texas don't get to DO anything!"

At this point in the new ad, the bartender turns to the sot, and says, "Hey, George, your daddy can fix that, with a little help from family and friends."

The drunk's eyes suddenly light up, and we see him reach into his pocket, unsteadily pull a $50 bill out of his bulging wallet, and slap it down on the bar, knocking over the clean shot glasses the bartender just stacked there. "I like you, Stinky," he slurs, "You're the only one who really understands me."

The drunken man then shakily pushes himself to his feet and stumbles out the exit door.  The sound of screeching tires and honking horns fades into the night.

The background music majestically swells, and we see the same man, now sober-looking, standing at a podium flanked by dozens and dozens of American flags.  "The people have spoken," he declares, "I accept your mandate to be the next Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces!"

THE VOICEOVER
The ad's new voiceover then cuts in, narrated by Charlton Heston, veteran American actor and President of the National Rifle Association.  As a barrage of popping flashbulbs illuminate the smirking face of the now sober-looking man, Heston intones:

"Most people make their way on their own hard work and merit.  This is the kind of 'inside-of-the-box' thinking that stifles innovation, and jeopardizes success."

"But if you are a person born to privilege -- and the kind of person who is eager to parlay family's connections, exploit advantages, keep ethics and morality from interfering with success, and play a win-at-all-costs game all the way to certain victory -- we have a place for you, in the United States Army."

"Be all that your family and friends can make you."

"Get an even bigger edge on life, in the Army."

THE REACTION
The old slogan, "Be all that you can be," has been a recruiting staple since 1981.  Louis Caldera, departing Secretary of the Army now serving President Clinton, told The New York Times that the new slogan obviously represents a change in the way the Army thinks about recruiting.

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