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ABOUT EXECUTIVE APPOINTMENTS
One of Governor Bush's top priorities during his limited waking hours in the coming months will be to select a coterie of sycophantic foot soldiers with the low ethical standards and absence of professional integrity necessary to serve in policymaking and key administrative positions in his rogue administration.
"The success of the Bush-Cheney Evil Empire will depend on finding ruthless appointees to join us in leading this nation into the pit of darkness in the years ahead. I will look for people who are willing to do anything to steal democracy and freedom from Americans, and who will examine the facts yet do exactly the opposite of what they indicate. I will look for people from across the country and from the underworld. I welcome all who are ready for this coup to reach its glorious consummation to apply."
- Governor George W. Bush
Following the ascendancy to his ill-gotten throne on January 20, Un-President Bush will send to the Senate the names of people for positions throughout the federal government not already filled by his father's cronies, for the Cabinet and subcabinet, for regulatory commissions in need of destruction, for ambassadorships (e.g. Katherine Harris), for judgeships (e.g. Scalia and Thomas clones - in case he needs another leg-up in 2004), and for members of numerous advisory boards (to do his reading and thinking for him, and aid him in the construction of plausible lies).
This missive is designed to provide prospective applicants with information to help them decide whether and how to apply for a position with the Bush-Cheney Fourth Reich:
SOME THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND
To serve our Dark Master as a member of the Bush-Cheney rogue administration will be both a blot on your family name, and a crime of epic proportions. Keep in mind that government service is not for everyone. Anyone considering submitting an application should be aware that:
With the exception of His Fraudulency, who will nap 4-14 hours per day, the hours are long and the pace intense.
There is much public/press scrutiny, so we are looking for individuals able to cover up the truth effectively. Much as in the campaign, we require professionals who will be tireless in their efforts to keep any honest information from reaching the public, particularly about matters like the Un-President's past. It is vital that we keep damaging information -- like his failure to serve out his National Guard commitment during the Vietnam conflict, his abyssmal business record and questionable securities dealings, and his indefensible personal behavior -- out of the popular media and free from the scrutiny of the American citizenry.
Most applicants under serious consideration for an appointment will go through a full examination and body cavity search administered by Beelzebub, the Prince of Lies, a longtime advisor and trusted confidante of the Governor. Financial holdings and sources of income for most applicants must be disclosed to ascertain that the assets are as ill-gotten as those of His Fraudulency, and that the applicants are as wealthy, spoiled, pampered and decadent as their future boss. Most appointees' dealings with the Federal government during and for a period of time after their service will be significantly restricted to prevent any leaking of the truth to the American media or populace.
ABOUT THE PROCESS
Anyone wanting to apply for a position in the Executive Office of the Un-President or a Federal Department, Agency or Commission should proceed as follows:
Sell your soul to the devil, and forward the original notarized and dated receipt to us. Keep a copy for your records. Please allow at least 48 hours for the activation of your damnation. You will be sent an email or card indicating when this process is complete. Once your soul has been consigned to the fires of hell for all eternity, you will be eligible for the position or subject area in which you have expressed an interest, and will be contacted whenever openings occur.
Burnt offerings are preferred, but not required.
If and when we determine that your moral and ethical character are of a sufficiently dark nature to serve in a specific position in our Evil Empire, you will be asked to fill out a pledge disclaiming any future efforts to act with honor or save your mortal soul. At this point you will be asked about possible "good works" in your past history. We cannot permit anyone with such a history to embarrass the Un-President should he choose them for a position in his rogue administration. Reformed Samaritans need not apply.
(Continued on NEXT PAGE)
NEXT: "A FEW GOOD MINIONS" (Cont'd)
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