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Statue of Liberty Repudiates Electoral College Results
ELLIS ISLAND, (gorewon2000.net) - As the electoral vote process was televised on the major cable news networks today, the Statue of Liberty, standing at her post on Ellis Island, threw a four-alarm hissy-fit over the election's legitimacy.
Liberty, referencing the many legal votes excluded from the final count in the decisive State of Florida (25 electoral votes), said, "Sacre blieu! I have had just about enough of zeez Americans and zeir connerie."
"What in zee enfer are you people thinking?" she asked. "Do you people not care zat you are about to put a total, how you say, "doofus," in zee Blanca Casa?"
Liberty said that Americans, influenced by "zee stupid, idiotic, os-dirigé media," are allowing their voting rights to be stolen, "right before zeir very eyes, oui?"
Liberty went on to comment that she had never seen such an apathetic electorate. "Le Mademoiselle Emma Lazarus, she would battement some serious derriere if she could but see zis mess!"
The Statue of Liberty, who emigrated to the United States from France in 1885, said she would never accept Bush as her President. "Légitime? Do not make me laugh. Just because his frère is zee Governor of Florida?"
When asked whom she would consider a legitimate President, Liberty grew dreamy eyed. "Ooh-la-la," she rhapsodized, "zat Bill Clinton, now zere is a real man, not some enfant who cannot tell his pénis from a trou in zee ground!"
When asked specifically about Bush's opponent, democratic candidate Al Gore, she commented, "Him? Oui, I would to reçoivent him, too."
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