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REPORTS FROM THE FRONT
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21

"THE DIVA" JOINS ADAM CLYMER HONOR ROLL
Is Declared an "A**hole" By Democratic Chair
(Can a New York Times Post Be Far Behind?)

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LONG BEACH (coup2k.com) Rick Hauptman, California Democratic Party Computer Caucus Chair, in a written statement yesterday, named "The Diva" to the exclusive ranks of the "Adam Clymer Honor Roll", a list of writers who are "A**holes".

Speaking from her home today, which she refers to as "The BBBR Bunker", "The Diva" finally broke her blue funk, and her silence on the website coup2k.com, over being called a "total a**hole" by California Democratic Party Computer Caucus Chair Rick Hauptman.  Acknowledging the similarity between Hauptman's attack on her person and website, and George W. Bush's attacks on Adam Clymer, "The Diva" now seems to be looking on the bright side, and to the future.

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I was very, very upset about yesterday's events.  I had an intensely negative emotional reaction," The Diva admitted.  "I'm one of those sensitive souls who is easily hurt and depressed by personal attacks on my character and my work."

When asked how she handled the emotional fallout from yesterday's attack, The Diva spoke about her personal coping mechanism in times of stress.

"Believe it or not, when I am stressed out, I do housework.  Heavy cleaning-type stuff.  Something about the mindless drudgery of it helps to soothe me.  It really calms me down, probably because it wears me out.  I am an aerobic housekeeper!  I really 'haul heinie', as they say, when I clean."

The Diva's "First Day of Spring" cleaning binge yesterday included shampooing her carpets and vacuuming her mini-blinds, tasks which she admitted had not been performed since prior to the founding of her website.

"I'm a pretty clean person, and I keep a pretty clean home, but somehow, after the coup, things like that didn't seem to matter as much to me anymore.  Housekeeping wasn't a priority for the past few months, I must admit.  Fortunately, though, Mr. Hauptman's attack gave me just the impetus I needed to get some much-needed housework done."

So, what about now?  What are The Diva's plans?

"Yesterday, I thought about throwing in the towel -- trying to get back to my pre-coup life, if I could.  Now that I have had time to sleep on it though, and have read some of the e-mails sent by activists who are aware of the situation, I don't think what happened is so bad after all.  In fact, one person who wrote me mentioned that Mr. Hauptman's remarks about me bear a great resemblance to George W. Bush's remarks about Adam Clymer, a New York Times reporter.  I may be a 'total a**hole', while Mr. Clymer is a 'major league a**hole', but we are both in the same 'a**hole' boat."

When asked about her take on that realization, The Diva expressed feeling honored to be amongst such illustrious company. 

"I consider it a compliment to be included in any group Mr. Clymer is a member of, even if that group is the 'a**hole' group."

An obvious question is how this attack by a Democratic Party Chair will affect The Diva's lifelong personal identification as a liberal Democrat.

"Every barrel has its bad apples.  I know that.  I no more consider Mr. Hauptman's actions a reflection on the ethics, attitudes or beliefs of the Democratic Party base, than I do Senator Robert Byrd's or Representative James Traficant's."

Is The Diva making excuses? 

"Absolutely not," she said.  "I intend to hold Democrats responsible for their actions and public statements, in exactly the way I hold our political opponents responsible -- to do anything less would be hypocritical."

"If I didn't believe this," she went on to say, "I wouldn't be speaking out.  I would not have made an issue of it.  But I feel," she continued, "that Mr. Hauptman's actions were inappropriate, and that it is very unlikely that I am the first Democrat or liberal activist that he has attacked in this manner."

The Diva even offered evidence to support her suspicions.

"I received an e-mail earlier today from an activist who subscribed to internet lists to which Mr. Hauptman also belonged, prior to his being banned, for precisely the type of behavior that has so upset me."

Though unwilling to reveal her source, The Diva expressed confidence that the information she has received regarding Mr. Hauptman's track record of sowing grief and dissention among online liberal activists, "is sound."

"Everything I have personally witnessed leads me to believe that Mr. Hauptman is the type of person whose ill-considered and uncalled-for actions give my Party a bad name -- an utterly undeserved bad name."

When asked, The Diva was willing to share her own impressions of the man: "Me, personally?  Personally, I don't think of him as a Democrat.  I think of him as a bitch.  And I am not alone in that assessment, I can assure you."

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