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I swear there are some women who will do anything to look good. In the New York Times, Maureen Dowd has an op-ed piece about Mad Cow Disease as it affects the vanity of women who have more money than common sense.
They're suffering from what I like to call, "Scarlet O'Hara Asinine Procrastination Syndrome". (SOAPS, this story sounds like a "General Hospital" plot device.) Scarlet says the immortal words a number of times in "Gone With the Wind". In the very last scene she is sitting on the red-carpeted stairway of Tara, Rhett has just told her he doesn't give a damn, she's trying to figure out how to get him back and she says, "I can't worry about that today. I'll go crazy. I'll worry about that tomorrow." Then they start showing double exposures of everyone telling her how she actually prefers the dirt of Tara to life itself. We all have to admit that Katie Scarlet would do just any old thing to get the attention she craved.
According to Dowd's article, Dr. Patricia Wexler, a New York dermatologist has been saying some really weird things, in my opinion. "'Elsie did not die in vain; we're using every little bit of her. Husbands have to start worrying now: if their wives are ranting and raving, is it menopause or is it mad cow disease?' Dr. Wexler says dryly." If I am ever caught going to a dermatologist with this sort of wit, any real friend should slap me. Of course, I won't be needing any extra collagen, anywhere, I have plenty.
Dr. Andrew Markey, a London dermatologist says that some of his patients are switching to hyaluronic acid which comes from the combs of American roosters. Hy-allure-onic, who thought of that name? As it turns out it has been called that for a long time and is not just a come-on from dermatologists. How many rooster combs would equal one cow, fat-wise?
We have to be careful in Oklahoma because the pro-cockfighting industry may use this as their next commercial campaign. "We're saving English women from Mad Cow Disease and thin lips, while making a fortune on the side. We just let the roosters kill each other." I think I can hear Trent Lott and the Oklahoma Cockfighting Coalition, now. "It's not about science," Dr.
Markey said, "It's an emotional response." Emotional!!? Emotional!!? Dementia in exchange for pouty lips and rounded hips is insane! "In America, vanity is still beating out health fears, according to Richard G. Glogau, a San Francisco dermatologist," Dowd said. "Most women would find the prospect of dying wrinkled a lot worse than the prospect of dying of dementia from collagen," he says. "As long as they don't drop dead 30 seconds later, they'll do it." If you are one of these women and I meet
you, please don't tell me. I have a genetic predisposition to intolerance of the incredibly stupid.
It causes violent reactions unheard of on Rodeo Drive or Fifth Avenue.
I can't imagine what would make me go to a medical doctor who discusses their patients in such a way. "I've never had a patient ask about a kosher cow. I've never had a vegetarian model object to bovine collagen. I've never had an animal rights activist object to cows getting killed for collagen. When it comes to cosmetic matters, women have a `Don't ask, don't tell me,
please!' policy." said Dr. Wexler. I beg to differ, maybe vegetarian models don't mind bovine collagen, but most real animal rights activists object to animals being killed for any cosmetic reason
According to the article there is a Dr. McGhan, who has a "biogenetically engineered human collagen waiting for F.D.A. approval that may eventually supersede bovine collagen". Get ready, Get set, Go--- "The foreskin of one infant boy -- the son of a company executive, according to Dr. Klein -- will be engineered into a supply that will replicate endlessly and provide lips, etc., for women all over the world ad infinitum."
Flash forward: Ultra-sound lab, Mrs. Buffy Vanitibuilt: "Wow, a boy, Tiff will be green with envy. Tell the pediatrician we want this kid circumcised and save that foreskin. My little Skip will save everyone from Great-Grandmama Daphne to Skippy's seed for generations to come from crows feet."
Apparently women are having problems with the prospect of using collagen from fat cadavers, even if they are tested for HIV. They would take a kidney, heart, liver or spleen, but not old Uncle's Mortimer's spare tire. I am a real coward where surgery is concerned, but for the right price, per pound, I would consider donating my collagen today. I can supply all the collagen the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes and their descendants will ever need.
There is vanity and then there are Medical Doctors who should be put out of their misery before they completely destroy themselves and others. "Tina Alster, a Washington dermatologist who gives herself bovine collagen injections, is calm. 'I would rather be among the quarantined than on the outside of the ring,' she says. 'Let everyone else look horrible.'"
I don't mean to appear insensitive to the plight of the terminally vane, but if you would take life or death medical advice from Dr. Tina Alster, Dr. Patricia Wexler, or Dr. Richard Glogau you deserve whatever you get.
Karen Webb, Moore, Oklahoma
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